i continue to feel the need to make vent posts, and now i guess i want to make one where no one who knows me super well will see it.
college is... not doing wonders for my mental health. like, classes are fine but everything else... nope. having a roommate in particular sucks bc, even though i love love love my roommate, my brain does this thing where i'm constantly terrified of being a bother, of hurting others, and it only lets up when i'm alone. add on to the fact that i feel awful if i can't magically make everyone happy all the time, even when other people have problems i'm powerless to solve, and i basically feel like a terrible person all the time. oh yeah, and intrusive thoughts. plenty of those.
i wish i had more friends here! i wish i had more people i could trust! but the people i love the most make me anxious, bc that's how my messed up brain works, i guess.
honestly, i've realized so much about myself being here, but the question now is, what do i do with that information? how can i help myself?